My Boyfriend’s Ex Moved Across the Street From Us. Again. Should We Move?

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A number of years in the past, whereas my boyfriend was in another country, his then spouse withdrew half their financial savings from the financial institution and moved to a different state in secret. They divorced, and we met. Final 12 months, his ex-wife determined to maneuver again to our small metropolis and purchased a condominium throughout the road from my boyfriend’s home. She modified her thoughts, although, and bought it rapidly. Final month, she purchased one other home on the road a bit farther away. (Sigh!) She additionally initiates contact with my boyfriend. He and I had determined that I used to be going to maneuver in with him this fall, however ought to we select one other neighborhood as a substitute?

GIRLFRIEND

I get your frustration. However in my expertise, a spouse fleeing in secret and feeling ambivalent about her return could also be grappling with a extremely unhealthy relationship. There’s no proof of wrongdoing on both aspect. The ex was in all probability entitled to half of their financial savings, and now she is free to return house. (It’s her neighborhood, too.)

And that’s the place my curiosity within the ex-wife ends. The remainder of the story is for you and your boyfriend to work out. If you’re bothered by his contact together with his ex-wife, inform him. He can converse to her about it. In case you don’t need to danger seeing her when you’re coming and going from his home, inform him that, too.

It’s completely affordable for us to debate the phrases of our companions’ relationships with their exes. Be simple about it. In case you really feel threatened by her proximity, although, look at that feeling: Is it in regards to the ex or your religion in your boyfriend? You might be in all probability going to stumble upon her sometimes regardless of the place you reside. The trick is making that OK between you and your accomplice.

My daughter obtained married final month. My husband and I paid for the marriage; my daughter and son-in-law aren’t large earners. It was a beautiful affair. My sister and her husband got here with their two youngsters. They’re extraordinarily rich — like, flying-on-private-jets-to-expensive-vacation-homes rich! (We aren’t.) I assumed they’d give my daughter a beneficiant money reward for use as an eventual down cost on a house. As a substitute, they gave her 5 place settings from her reward registry that price $500. I’m harm and offended about their lack of generosity. My mom thinks I ought to speak to my sister about this so it doesn’t have an effect on our relationship. Your ideas?

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

You’re keen on your daughter and need the perfect for her. That’s terrific! However it doesn’t entitle you to commandeer different individuals’s cash. Your assumption that your sister and brother-in-law would write a big examine to the bridal couple for a hypothetical actual property buy appears odd to me (within the absence of dialogue).

The place I come from, $500 will not be a chintzy wedding ceremony reward. And also you didn’t say something about your daughter’s relationship along with her aunt and uncle. So I disagree along with your mom for now: Don’t speak to your sister about her reward till you have got made peace with the truth that it was hers to offer.

My mother and father hosted a celebration on the Fourth of July. I invited an in depth good friend of 20 years, and he or she introduced her new boyfriend. He was good when he confirmed up, however after just a few drinks, he began utilizing vulgar language round my mom (even after I requested him to cease), started a loud argument with the neighbors and harassed individuals who had been strolling on the road. The following day, I referred to as my good friend and informed her I don’t blame her for her boyfriend’s habits, however since he disrespected our visitors and I really feel unsafe round him, I by no means need to see him once more. She informed me I used to be overreacting. Am I?

JIM

Nicely, “never” is a really very long time. Clearly, the man behaved terribly. It might have been a one-time catastrophe, or he could have a persistent drawback with alcohol and anger administration. It’s your name whether or not to see him once more. (And should you really feel unsafe round him, it feels like a simple choice.)

Nonetheless, asserting your place pre-emptively — there was no plan to see him once more, proper? — sends a tough message to your good friend. It might have been extra supportive to ask what she product of his unhealthy habits and take it from there.

Chances are you’ll inform me to thoughts my very own enterprise, however my intentions are pure: My sister’s fiancé is a good-looking man, however his glasses are too small. The arms don’t attain the again of his ears. That is an unflattering look. Ought to I say one thing to my sister?

SISTER

Get in line! Many people would like to tinker with the aesthetic decisions of our associates (and strangers). They’re none of our enterprise, although, and we could harm individuals’s emotions. So except you’re requested on your opinion, restrict your enter to issues that may be solved on the spot: spinach between tooth, as an example, or skirts hiked inadvertently into underpants.


For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.



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